What a shitty month. Excuse me for a moment as I indulge. In these posts I usually try to find the silver linings, or the freedom exposed in our wounds, or the compassionate reasons why hardships are in our lives.
But, right now, it’s just been a really shitty month.
There has been lots of crying – almost every day now – which just makes me feel worse about myself. I don’t feel strong, I don’t feel worthy, I don’t feel like a good person because I have been making everything so dramatic. I don’t want to be dramatic. I don’t want to hurt other people. I don’t want to be doing this right now.
These feelings just follow, one day after another, since January 1. I have tried so hard to stop it. I have tried so hard to accept it. I have tried so hard to not try so hard. I haven’t tried at all.
I got sick, I got a tooth pulled, I got into yoga again, I got through the first few weeks at a new job.
I have no reason to feel this way.
It’s cold, it’s bare, it’s brown.
That’s usually a good thing.