Dualities Cont.

Ok, you guys ready to go deep with me? Because we are going to Hell.

But first, let’s go to Heaven.

***

I was praying, asking God to reveal his word to me (this is a long story that deals with a family bible, a lock of hair, books of spells and poems – but also a sign for me to stay and hear the word of God).

So, I finally asked.

Underneath my eyelids, I saw typed words flash.

and

and then (yes, I kind of chuckled at this one)

and then there was light. And it was good.

I ran to my bible and opened to Genesis:

“In [the] beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”

The bible opens with a duality. In fact, creation was made in duality. Water and land, light and dark, sun and moon, man and woman.

Those who know me, likely know that duality and contrast is something that has been in my conscious the last handful of years (Everything Changes, Everything Stays the Same and Middle Ground). It continues to dig deeper within me, because it is my creation, and its existence is how I am whole.

Finding the edge, sitting on the cliff, is where I am now. Not jumping off, and not running away, but sitting on this edge and getting to know it. This is where we often find one another, ready to jump or turn back.

Where the dualities meet – that edge – is the “in between” and steadiness I will be exploring my whole life. It is where the ocean meets the sand, where the sky meets the horizon, where I meet the divine.

**

Ok – now to Hell.

Right and wrong, control and no control, choice and no choice are concepts that have been swirling around in me lately like the Barn Raising Dance in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

So, I sat down on the cliff’s edge and checked it out.

Right. Ah, yes, being right and doing the right thing. It’s like skipping through a field of flowers. But, you are always running, always moving, always looking back. There is somehow an element of hurt here. Always worried about continuing to do the right thing and afraid of doing something wrong.

And then you do. You do something wrong and are sucked into the netherworld of fire and blame. There is the vision of what you want – just out of reach – but you can never do the right thing to get it. You can never get what you want and you are doing everything wrong and it is your fault.

That is Hell.

**

In America, I think the definition of success is getting what you want. Here, you are conditioned that you can have ANYTHING you want, and if you get it, then you are successful and you will be happy. (Go Anthropology degree!) But, I choose not to live like that anymore. Want, need, keep, have, get, control. That is my hell on earth.

Which brings us to control and no control. I’m hoping this will wrap up the blog post nicely, but I am not quite sure at this point.

I control because I am afraid. So if I get what I want and try to control it, then it will stay how I want it and I will be doing things right and that will make me worthy of having what I have and everything will stay good (so really, it goes back to worth).

If I don’t take action, if I don’t take control to get what I want, then I am not worthy because I am being passive.

What bullshit. The words even contort around each other in confusion and force and pain.

So, where is the edge between control and no control?

I might have to jump off the cliff a few more times before I find it. But, it’s how we learn to fly. Or, it’s how we learn to sit at the edge. Again, and again, and again. I am just so grateful that I can even see the edge.

THIS IS WATER (If you have not seen this, I would highly recommend it. Or, even if you have, please watch it again.)

Edges into Infinity

 

and then there was light. And it was good. 

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